9/16/2025 - 6:02pm

Rare early evening entry!!!

I'm taking a break for studying and wanted to write a bit :))
So these cats have really taken a liking to me!! I don't remember if I updated before but they've been living in my room for the past few days. Really sweet little gals. The night before last, one of them (her name is wednesday btw) decided to get really cuddly. 0 to 100 real quick. Now when I sleep they both lay on my chest. Absolutely adorable. A little harder to sleep though lol. Wednesday is in my lap as we speak.

I've been struggling pretty hard to stay focused on my studies as of late. Some family is visiting this week, which is always welcome. Somehow, surprisingly, their presence has made me more locked in on the textbook. Perhaps I'm just aware of being observed.

I also did some REALLY productive journaling/reflection the other day, and my stress has been minimized since then. I also haven't been back to work since then though, so we'll see how that goes tomorrow. I don't really discuss my politics or religion with my family, which results in a very prominent internal divide, while it looks fine to them on the outside. I don't know. It feels dishonest sometimes, and other times it feels necessary. I don't feel great about it. However, they are very far into the MAGA/conservative christian rabbit hole, and I fear that being fully open with my opinions could result in a, well, modified living situation to say the least. I'm considering doing a deeper dive on that later, maybe a little essay to really feel myself out. Is authenticity worth potentially losing my living situation? The risk and instability involved? When I think about other people doing this, or folks throughout history, I usually see it as honorable or virtuous to maintain their honest views despite the threats even to their life. But in my situation?? I'm a little biased. I'm gonna sit in the cognitive dissonance for now and soak. All in all though, I struggle to see it as morally reprehensible. But it isn't virtuous either. That may be a problem later.

But anyway, I'm pretty happy right now!! Kind of !!! This kitten is adorable!!

anxious and apprehensive,
Koen